This characteristic poses a daunting task to me as a mother. It is my job to help my kids figure out who they are, what they like and what they want to become. Its clear Jaxon is a people pleasing, tender hearted, brilliant and self confident little boy. Its clear Jovie is a strong willed, independent, charmer with a love for all things beautiful. Its clear Jaydn is.... she is....um...whatever people want her to be. My heart breaks that even she doesn't know what she wants or who she is and be confident enough to go and be it! How do I teach her this habit of "doing" is less important than "being"? I want to know and see who SHE is and comfort and nurture her from that place. But when a child grows up more like a parrot copying behavior, actions or words for the sake of attention (good or bad), it is difficult to know how to parent them in the most effective way. What "works" one day won't the next b/c she has simply adjusted herself to the situation rather than chosen what is right and wrong.
Im not sure I am articulating all of this very well so let me just leave you a word picture for how it feels: Its as if I am playing a game of "pin your heart on Jaydn" and after being spun around 20 times and after the blindfold has been removed I look around only to be told that I am supposed to pin my heart on a vapor, an ever changing, ever moving mirage. Its an impossible task, or at least that is how it feels right now. But I am trying and hoping and praying. The only thing that brings me comfort in this crazy "pin my heart" game is the knowledge that God knows Jaydn. He knows her heart, desires, dreams and personality better than I ever will. Maybe I will get glimpses over time and I pray I do, because I can't wait for the real Jaydn to be revealed to the rest of us too.