As I turn the pages of the book Post Adoption Blues, I am comforted by the fact that I am not alone. I am not the only one who thought those things, felt that way, questioned it all. Apparently enough people have been there and done that that they had to write a book about it to help others! As the comments, emails and FB messages come in from people I have never met or known my whole life about their own link to PADS I am again, comforted to know I am not alone. So if you are reading this and what you have read about in my blog resonates with you, know this YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
The other thing I attribute this ever lightening load to is the power of secrets. Secrets have power. Did you know that? When you are carrying something, dealing with something, hiding something and you are the only one that knows it, you are under your secrets power. It controls you. It blocks things and people from getting in and blocks you and your feelings from getting out. You are locked in and everyone else is locked out. You are playing a part and the crowd is letting you perform because they don't realize its all a facade. You know what also happens when you are under the power and control of a secret? Satan has a field day with you. He accuses you and pours on the shame and guilt. He buries you in your failures and makes you think there is no way out. But there is. I promise you...there is. One of the ways out is by telling your secret. Maybe not all of you are at the point where you can or want to blog about your secret but start by telling someone: your spouse, your best friend, your pastor. Find someone you trust and who knows you and loves you and tell them. I promise you the load will lighten almost instantly. As the days come and go you will hear Satan less and less and Gods redeeming love more and more- through your friend, through the Holy Spirit that was given a window by the telling of your secret, from any direction God decides to use to get across the message that you are not hopeless and that He is still on your side, fighting for you. Don't let your secret battle have so much power over you. Thats why scripture talks over and over again about confession coming before freedom. You have to release the burden to receive the blessing.
Since my "confession" of sorts, the burden has become lighter and the secret didn't have the chance to get its teeth sunk into my life enough to destroy me. Thankful that God gave me this platform even while it hurts.