Cause and effect

Jaydn has been tapping into her "inner-American" a lot lately. Basically that means she has been observing for months and is now in the testing phase of the good ol' toddler tantrum technique for getting attention. It started with just the occasional "No!" but its full blown now. You really should see her. Within seconds she can go into quite a tizzy. It starts with a wild stamping of her feet like she has to pee and the bathroom door is locked accompanied by screaming and crying. Then it progresses into anger... and fast! She looks like she wants to punch whoever stands in the way of what she wants. Sometimes she does. Then if I try to approach her she turns her body away from me as if she doesn't want my assistance and will refuse to accept the interference. I tried disciplining that type of fit many times but yesterday I was prompted (by the Holy Spirit I think) to handle it differently. Instead of putting her on time out or talking her through what she needed to do in order to achieve her goal, I just picked her up (even though she was turning away from me) and held her. I cradled her in my arms so close I could feel her heart racing. So I decided I would sit with her until her heart rate slowed down. I didn't say anything or do anything else other than hold her. Once I felt like she was calmer, I just put her down and watched to see what happened next. She wandered into her room and started playing with the kitchen set instead of returning to the battle she had been removed from. It was a HUGE difference in her demeanor.

I have read a lot about the attachment process and it talks often about going backwards and revisiting some of the ways you would "comfort" an infant (IE co-sleeping; bottle feeding; diapers; pacifier use etc). I didn't feel like any of those were good ideas for us so I have stuck to lots of hugging and kissing hoping that would deter the desire she may have to act out. But it hasn't. So I am trying to find the best way to respond to her fits. Yesterday cuddling worked. Not sure if it will always work but just the fact that it worked once tells me there is a lot going on inside of that little girl. Even when I can't figure out the cause of the behavior, sometimes I can have an effect... if I just take the time to try.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

LOVE this! I'm just now catching up on the past few posts. Praying for you and the attachment process. Your transparency is contagious...I LOVE IT!!! Thanks for honest words no matter what situation arises! Hope we get to see you again soon! That little girl stole my heart...not to mention the other two! Geez, what a fun day! Jake had so much fun!