After many conversations and observations, Nathan and I feel like Jaydn has come out of her orphanage life with the inability to really attach to anyone. First let me clarify, she will go to and love on everyone but she doesn't attach to anyone- there is a difference. Sure she likes me and prefers me to Nathan but if a plumber walked into our house right now and took her hand, she would walk out with him, jump in his car and go wherever he took her without complaint. This worries me more than a child who has fears and preferences b/c I have to teach her not to trust people. Isn't that awful to say!? We have to teach our daughter that the plumber is different then a neighbor, a friend, and most importantly her mommy and daddy. That's hard to do. As far as we know, she has no reason not to trust a person. Or worse, she has a very BIG reason not to trust people so she trusts no one. So daily I am trying to work through and think of ways I can teach her to trust the 4 other people in her family more than a friend or even a plumber. Did I mention that is hard? Well it is.
On the flip side, I was working on a photo book of our Africa pictures and it took me all the way back to the first day we met her. She looked so mad, would never look you in the eye and certainly never spoke to you. As the pictures go on you would start to see a smirk but mostly just a little girl timid, with her tongue out drooling all over the place. To see her now is like a whole different child. She is always smiling and tries to keep up with her sister and brother when it comes to talking/making noise (which is non-stop). She has come so far.
Basically I have to take those outward changes as inward ones. I pray everyday that she is happy here, that she isn't missing someone but can't find the words to tell me she is hurting. Everyday as I battle to teach her to trust me more than the plumber, I hope that she really believes, like I do, that she is exactly where she is meant to be: home.