11.16.2010

Mother to Mother

I hesitate to write this post to be honest. Its still so emotionally raw for me and I can't even believe it was part of God's plan for my day today. I'm in shock you could say. The only reason I am sharing this story with you guys is b/c Nathan believes it has a greater purpose. I pray it does. Most of all I pray today is not the only part of the story I get to be a part of. I pray I get to see it through to completion but I may not. Please know that I am not sharing this experience with you for any other reason but to open eyes and burden hearts for the great needs of this world.

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I got a massage today by a woman named Anita. Had she had her way we would have never said a word to each other, I think, but of course I asked for her name and that was the beginning of what came to be one of the most memorable conversations I will ever have. After we swapped names, she asked me point blank, "Is that fat baby yours?" To which I proudly replied, "Yes she is." We made small talk about Jaydn's age and how she doesn't like the pool and Anita admitted to have been watching me with her the past few days around the apartment. She said it was smart of me to bring tubs for her to play with so we could be outside without frightening Jaydn about getting in the pool. Then with a single comment the conversation changed. She said, "I have been watching you. You are a good mother." I thanked her, not realizing the deep waters I was about to enter. She began asking a lot of questions about how Jaydn came to be my daughter and through the culture and language barrier I tried to explain how Jaydn's biological mother abandoned her which put her into the care of an orphanage. Then I explained the concept of adoption and how I came into the picture. Then Anita asked how I learned that Jaydn was at an orphanage in Uganda when I live in America. I said an agency I worked with told me and matched us together. She asked if the agency helped families where one parent had died or if they only helped children who had no parents. I explained the goal was to keep children with their biological family but if no one can be found, they match the children with other parents. She then opened the story of her life to me and shared how her husband was dead and that she has 2 girls (5 and 3 1/2 years old) at home. Then came the statement that pierced my heart. She asked me if I would take her children too. As my breath stood still, she kept talking as if what she just said to me was completely normal. She planned it all out, how she would tell the "agency" that she wanted her girls to be with me b/c I was a good mother. I tried to stop her before she ran away with the possibility and the only words that came from my mouth were, "Its more complicated than that." She asked point blank, "You don't want my children?" Without a thought I responded, "I would love to take care of them. But its just not that simple." She kept going, explaining that all she had to do was tell the "powers that be" that she wanted me to have them and it would be ok. I couldn't even gather my thoughts as she rattled off her desire to give her children to me. Finally I said, "I promise I will help you. But I can't take your children from you." I started to share the Gospel and she explained that she was "born again." I talked about what a precious gift her girls are and that God gave them to her for a reason. How His Word states that He is always with her and that He will help give her the strength to be the mother her girls need. It seemed clear that Anita wasn't just wanting a better life for her girls but that she really saw her kids as a burden that she could not bare alone. At one point she even suggested "leaving them somewhere" so that good people like me would find them and take care of them. I begged her not to do that and told her I would connect her with someone that could help. She pulled out a picture of her girls and I held back the tears as I prayed over the faces of these beautiful daughters. I prayed that God would continue to hold them in the palm of His hand and that He would bring someone to help this mother and provide for these girls. Anita proceeded to write down her phone number as I explained that I would put her contact info into the hands of every organization I could find that has been set up to help people just like her. She thanked me over and over again but one last time asked if I would reconsider and take her children myself. "Its just not that easy," I said again, "I'm sorry. But I promise to help you." I prayed with her and then left. I started shaking as I walked back to the apartment and once I got there I just sat on the edge of the bed and I started bawling. Jaydn stood next to me and looked curiously confused by what I was experiencing. I looked into her eyes and felt such gratitude for this precious girl I was given the honor to raise. Then I felt the burden of this woman I promised to help. Its now my mission to make sure she is contacted by someone that can help her do the right thing.

Today I was made quickly and deeply aware of how common the situation Jaydn's, Joyce's, Joshua's, Joseph's, Kip's, Esther's, and Elijah's moms were in, is. I am so thankful that God unknowingly partnered them with mothers like me, Rachel, Heather, Stacie, Jill, Erika and Becky so that His plan would move forward in each of these precious lives. God truly is, the Father to the fatherless.

Please join me in praying for Anita and for her precious girls. Pray that I will be able to get her information into the right hands so that she can get the help she is seeking. I plan to stay as involved as I am allowed so if I learn anything, I will keep you posted too.

5 comments:

Erin said...

Wow. As I sit here with tears in my eyes I am so moved by your story... by Anita's story. I will pray that God will direct you to the right "People or person" to come in contact with in order for Anita to be provided with some Godly council. I cannot even imagine what must be going on in her heart to utter those words, "will you take my children?" I do know that we serve a God that is so much bigger than any circumstance ... and I will be praying that He will wrap His loving arms around Anita and that she will feel Him, know him better, and teach her children about Him.

MOM and GIGI said...

I cry (again) as I read your words. This breaks my heart in so many ways. I could NEVER let go of my children voluntarily since I am a mother who has lost a child by an accident. I have such a hurt inside about how special the gift is of each child and it truly breaks my heart to think there are so many mothers who 'give their child away'. Oh, please God, give us all hearts to help and heal this thinking.God not only chose you for Jaydn Priscilla but to share this story.............

Heidi Spencer said...

Hi Bethany, I have just sat on the couch and read your blog for over an hour. Your journey is incredible and I am so excited to read it and know you are FINALLY there. As I read this story about Anita, I keep thinking... "For such a time as this." God has you right there at the perfect time so that your life and Priscilla Jayden's life can intersect with Anita's life. I am praying... Also we are praying for a quick court date and that you can return to Little Rock very soon. Lots of hugs and many prayers from Tampa, Florida! Much love, Heidi Spencer

Gemma Holbird said...

Bethany,
Having read your post re:Anita, I can't imagine your heart ache over the situation. I pray that you may be a stepping stone to someone who can really help her and get her life back on track. Make sure the devil does not let you hold any guilt over the situation. God has already used you in a mighty way. And how wonderful that she has also seen what gifts you have and how blessed Jaydn is to have a Mummy like you!
With love and prayers,
Gemma x

Anonymous said...

Well I am new at this stage of reading your blog. My sister who is Shondah(Perkins) Kubajak sugested I become friends with Nathan and I did. I live righ there in North LIttle Rock. Just across the river. I want you to know that the words that come to your mouth at the perfect time with truly Gifts of the Holy One. He lives in us and will place at the right place at just the right time. And He did. You are not alone and God will answer the pray for the that mother too. It is important that you stay close connected with this status of the girls placement. I feel that yes she as a mother that truly loves her girls wants them to go to a loving , christian home and not have to suffer the rest of their precious lives worring over food or shelter and what might happen to them in adultance. You know the horror stories of the sex trade on young girls in africa and most third world places. Lift your hands high in the air and praise Jesus for this women coming to you. I am still working on getting you a baby crib for your precious one. Love in Christ our King. Kristie in NLR ark.