4.05.2010

A restful ache

I wish I had more to say but at this point we haven't had any progress. We are still hearing through the authorities and our adoption representatives that the Ugandan government is meeting to clarify some wording in the legal documentation. Until that happens, there will be no Visa's granted. Basically that means I could go there but Jaydn Priscilla wouldn't be able to come home with me. I have read stories of people being there (In Uganda) for over 10 weeks hoping they could squeak by eventually only to discover they are being sent home without their child. I don't think I could do that... so that is the only reason I have not hopped on a plane yet. In the meantime I pray, cry and ache until all my children are home and in my arms. We have celebrated too many birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and family moments without her already and it breaks my heart to see each one pass while still missing her. SHE SHOULD BE HERE!!! Even Jaxon and Jovie acknowledge her missing presence. They are saving a space for her in their home and their hearts and are anxious to have it filled in, as are we.
While its difficult to answer the question, "how is the adoption going?" its even harder when people stop asking b/c time has passed and it isn't on their minds anymore. For me its my constant thought, the thorn in my side and the tears falling behind the smile. I have so much to be thankful for and I am blessed- that is why I smile. Yet I feel the void of my daughter everyday and I never forget that she is not home- that is why I cry. I am not ungrateful. I am simply a mother, waiting for my child to come home and everyday she doesn't... it hurts.

But I have much faith. It has taken God 14 years to bring this part of His story from a desire in a 16 year old girl's heart to now knocking on the door of an African government and telling them to let us in to get His daughter Jaydn Priscilla. A few more months won't stop Him. I know He will be faithful to complete what He has promised. He will not leave Jaydn an orphan. This is His dream, we just chose to be a part of it. We cannot bring it about, so I will rest in His timing...even while I ache.

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